Sovereign Goddess Zia
In 2013 I went on a journey to New Mexico that was the beginning of dramatic life change. It was so dramatic that I wrote a book about it called Becoming Zia: A Tale of Transformation. Little did I know that this was the beginning of a spiritual awakening that would bring me to Larry.
Shortly after returning from New Mexico, I knew I had to write the story. It took me just over a month to write it, and within six months I had it published. Never had anything flowed so effortlessly. But, that wasn't the end. A few months later I had another spiritual awakening - a very unexpected energy took over during a meditation session and I experienced what is considered a Kundalini Awakening. My consciousness was raised, and I began a journey of awakening that has altered my life.
After a few years of settling into the awakening, I began to recognize that I needed to balance the feminine and masculine energy within me. I had rejected a lot of my feminine traits because I felt being feminine was weak, (I had been a victim of childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence in my first marriage). So I had embraced my masculine energy and motored through life as an independent, competent, and self sufficient woman. I realized that I had emasculated my second husband, with his unspoken permission, and felt that I had no need for intimacy or affection. (This worked out well because he suffered from debilitating PTSD from Vietnam and had no capacity to show intimacy or affection.)
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A Tale of Transformation
In May of 2018, my husband passed away from complications from a TBI and diabetes. His death left an open space in my life and I knew it was time for me to really decide how I wanted to live that last chapter of my life.
I thought it was time that I face some of the issues in my life and I began by learning to embrace my feminine side and started meditating and learning about the Divine Feminine and what it truly meant. I found that my wounds had kept me from truly understanding the power and wisdom of the Divine Feminine. As I progressed in this journey I began to see that I had been putting others before me my entire life. I had become a people pleaser and care taker, thinking that was the way to the love and approval I needed. When I learned to separate by wounds from the truth of my feminine power I came to understand that I was the most powerful person in my life - putting others first was a choice I made, and I could choose again. I began to see myself as a sovereign being - the ultimate power in my own life, with complete authority over the choices I made. I recognized that being feminine was not weak, nor was allowing myself to feel sensual. It took some time, but I was able to step into that space and I could see myself at Sovereign Goddess Zia - A Emissary of the Oneness. It was a sense of power I had never imagined.
Next, I started to investigate the meaning of the Divine Masculine and if I had ever experienced that in my life. As I explored my story with men, I kept finding the wounded masculine in my history. I kept going back in time and kept eliminating men until I remembered Larry. Although I hadn't seen him in decades, my memory of him at 18 was one of true masculine strength, yet a compassionate, loving caring person with a huge heart. He worked for his Dad's lumber company and I remember seeing him chopping wood after school. He was tall, strong and very masculine, but he had a shy smile and warm eyes. He was thoughtful, caring and a great listener. He had so many of the attributes of the Divine Masculine that I decided to use him as a sort of avatar of my own inner Divine Masculine.
Little did I know that as I was doing this, energy was being raised and traveling though space and time from California to Arizona and Larry began to think about me.
As I worked with balancing the Divine Masculine energy within, I connected more and more with the Larry of my memory. I wrote a guided meditation to help me to embody the attributes of the Divine Masculine. I did a healing ritual using the Ho'oponopono Prayer to release and forgive all the toxic masculine that had influenced my life. During the meditation and ritual, I visualized Larry as my guide and he stood beside me as I worked the process of forgiving. By the end I had the feeling of complete healing and my heart center radiated a bright light and I was filled with love. As I embraced this feeling Larry suddenly melded into my heart and I knew that I had fully embodied my Divine Masculine attributes. It was an amazing feeling.
What I didn't expect, and what nearly blew my mind was waking up the next morning and having 13 Facebook messages from Larry. He said he had been thinking of me and wanted me to call him. After I recovered from the shock and let it sink in, I called him.
We began to talk daily since that first call. He came to visit a few weeks later. The beginning had some crazy ups and downs, but eventually we both realized that something bigger was at play and we were being drawn together for a reason. I had been working on balancing my internal "twin flames", the harmony of the divine feminine and masculine within. It never occurred to me that in my healing I had energetically connected with my human Twin Flame. But that is exactly what happened.
After some long months of separation, and lots of phone calls we are finally together. The connection is like nothing I've ever experienced, and the love is so deep and truly unconditional -also, like nothing I have ever experienced. It feels like we have always been together, so connected and passionate towards one another. We are mirrors for each other and have been healing in ways I never imagined could be possible.
There is an equality in our union that honors our two aspects - his Divine Masculine and my Divine Feminine. It's as if we had been waiting all our lives for this - and we have found our hearts home. Along with the love and connection are many similarities - we are both empaths with keen intuition and wisdom beyond our understanding. We were both born with a two week period, less than a mile from each other - born under the astrological sign of Gemini, which brings another dimension to our union. Connecting as Twin Flames has opening us to a new level of spiritual consciousness and growth on a daily basis.
There is so much to our story, that it is nearly impossible to put into words. However, we are opening our relationship to the world through this website as a means to share our journey. We find inspiration daily in the process of our growth, the wisdom of our awakening and the world around us.
I know this is my final chapter. Finding Larry and coming together as Twin Flames is a gift from Source. There is no need for me to question my path, because it has been clearly shown to me. Over the past year I've embraced a new motto for life that Larry and I now share: "The rest of our lives will be the best of our lives!"